Uneasy Hearts Weigh the Most
by Lelouch le Britannia
Summary: Alice, Jasper, Edward, Emmet, Rosalie, and Bella, six kids with horrible pasts taken on by the loving Carlisle and his wife Esme out casts in the town of Forks together they will deal with drugs, sex, love, and suicide bad summary Cannon pairs mainly JxA
1. Chapter 1

"My upbringing made me as I am now. But I can become merry and happy at once. There were many years I was feeling at a loss about my life or how I grew up. I couldn't understand what is right or what is precious. At that time. I was so miserable and self-defeating. I was feeling angry with various things. My anger came up to the surface then. I don't say such tendency has disappeared. Even now there are anger and the dark side in myself. But its the first time I've been so close to the light." ~ Johnny Depp.

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-o-o-o-  
APOV  
-o-o-o-

The light filtered through the burgundy curtains casting a dark bloody light around the room and on the pale skin of the boy I held in my arms. He was still asleep, knocked out as he always was after he came down. Times like these were the ones I loved the most. When he was asleep, when it seemed as if the world was asleep under the canopy of the Rain Forest, I could lay like I am now, cradling his head to my chest, and see the side of him that he hid from the rest of our 'family', the side he hid from himself.

But as is inevitable he began to stir, his eyes blinked open and darted back and forth frantically before I pulled back and he could see again.

"Ali-" he seemed to evaluate the situation, we were both in his bed, he was shirtless and his right hand was bandaged, I was fully clothed but under the covers with him. "Fuck, I-I'm sorry I-" I cut him off with a finger pressed to his lips. He sighed and closed his eyes when he opened them again they were blank chips of cold, gray-blue, ice. Great, the defenses were back up and I wouldn't get to see _him_ again until he slipped up, I felt selfish for secretly wanting him to.

He sat up the blankets pooling around his waist and I sat up with him, the top of my head, spikes of hair included, only reached his chin. He looked at his bandaged hand then down to me eyes questioning.

"You broke a glass last night and cut your hand." I said he sighed and wrapped his left arm, with the uninjured hand, around my shoulders kissing the top of my head, my heart only fluttered the tiniest bit, I've learned from experience that getting excited only leads to heartache.

"Thanks Ali," he stood up "now get out I have to change," he threw me a half grin over his shoulder to let me know he was joking. I stood, taking a final look around his dark room, his floor was the same golden carpet as all of ours but other than that his room differed greatly from the rest of the family's, all of the furniture, his bed dresser and two book shelves in the corner, were dark stained would, almost like a cherry, the bedspread was black and the curtains blocking the entire wall of windows were thick and maroon, managing to make the light in the room dim even with the rising sun. I slipped out and upstairs to my third floor bedroom, when I moved in at the age of eight I stole it from the also eight year old Edward.

The Cullen house had three floors, the bottom floor consisting of the living room, kitchen, study, and a bathroom. The second floor hand five bedrooms and the third floor had a single room, there were two bathrooms on the second floor each one connecting two bedrooms and a master bathroom off the master bedroom, that was Carlisle and Esme's, there was also a single bathroom off the third floor bedroom. The ancient white house had been abandoned in the woods for years until the newly wed Cullens showed up, Esme, Carlisle's wife and the 'mother figure' lost their first child in labor and couldn't give birth after that. They adopted Edward when he was three, his parents died of disease while working in Africa for the peace corps, other than that Edward was pretty normal, till he started slitting his wrists around eleven.

Then Jasper and I came around the same time, Jasper was abused until his father was arrested, he was put into state custody and finally adopted by Carlisle and Esme. I, from what they tell me, was abandoned at an orphanage as a baby, it burned down when I was eight and I was the only survivor, but I don't remember any of it all I remember is waking up in the hospital and then getting shipped to the Cullens. Two years later Bella came, both of her parents were killed in a car accident with her in the back seat, she survived but suffers from PTSD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, basically she freaks out at anything that reminds here of the accident, loud noises, flashes of light, pain, but most noticeably the smell of blood, on good days she curls up into a ball and folds in on herself, on bad days she freaks out and has to be held down. Rosalie and Emmet, like Jasper and I, also came around the same time. Rose was being raped by her father and Emmet was living on the streets, they were thirteen at the time, that was five years ago.

In the eyes of the community, what the Cullens did was honorable and kind, in the eyes of the people of the community the Cullen kids were nothing but a bunch of delinquent mentally fucked up kids who should be locked up for the safety of others. It made it easier to keep to ourselves when all the parents told their kids to stay away from the dangerous psychopaths. Honestly like any of us were psychopathic … except maybe Rose, but that is entirely by choice.

Jasper came downstairs last, he was wearing the same jeans from before, black and tight, not exactly skinny jeans just form fitting, they sagged a little so that the tops of his maroon boxers showed, he had a long sleeved black and red shirt on, I mentally cringed, he'd worn it at least three times now we _had_ to go shopping. He fell into the bar stool on next to mine completing the set of six kids sitting at the island in the kitchen eating breakfast.

"Finally!" Emmet roared spewing pits of scrambled eggs all over jasper, he looked as if he were deciding weather he should be disgusted or fly across the island and attack Emmet, I picked out a piece of egg from his hair to distract him, his usually straight honey blond hair was pushed back out of his face and unruly. Emmet completely ignored all of this in his continued exclamation "Took you long enough! It's the first weekend of the school year we gotta celebrate! I was thinkin' Popsicles, the good kind, that'll give us a brain freeze into next week."

I huffed and propped my chin up on my hand looking toward the living room, Bella was similarly starring at Esme making more eggs for us as Emmet was already eying Edward's. To any normal, non-mind-fucked-grown-up-with-Jasper-Emmet-Edward, this whole exchange would make no sense, but to us it did. Popsicles is an extended metaphor for weed, brain freeze it getting baked.

"And I suppose you have money for these Popsicles?" Jasper responded, everyone ignored Bella and I, Rosalie would occasionally smoke with them, for Bella she didn't think it was right, good pure law abiding Bella, bless her, for me it was just because Jasper absolutely forbade me from ever getting high, ever. Emmet fished around in his wallet and found twenty five dollars, Jasper eyed it.

"If you want name brands you're gonna have to do better than that, I might be able to get the off brand-" he didn't have to finish his sentence, Emmet's face fell at 'name brand' and he was smakin' Edward's arm for money by the end. In the end Jasper departed, his plate untouched, with a fifty dollars and a kiss to the top of my head.

"Can I-" I started but Edward cut me off.

"Even if I didn't have a problem with it, which I do, it would still be no. Jasper would flay me alive and fasten an attractive lamp shade out of my skin."

"Edward!" Esme scolded, trailing off with a simple "gross."

"But Rose!" I started

"Is older, and letting her join in was Emmet's choice. If Jasper says ye-"

"In other words I'm fucked" I said myopically.

"Alice Cullen! Language!" Esme placed another plate of eggs and bacon in front of Emmet who's face lit up like the mixture between a kid in a candy store and Christmas morning and he started shoveling mass amounts into his mouth after a quick kiss on Esme's cheek.

"Where's Carlisle?" Bella asked, speaking for the first time that morning.

"There was an accident on the 101 he had to go into work because they were short on staff." Esme answered.

"Well, since we have no plans today," I threw a quick glare at Edward "what are _we_ going to do today," a sudden thought hit me and I looked at Rose, "You _are_ hanging out with _us_ today _aren't you_?"

"Of course," she said easily "I'm not in the mood for Popsicles, lets go shopping." I jumped/slithered out of the bar stool and to the ground, there was a considerable distance from my feet to the floor when I sat and I stood about the same height standing as sitting.

"Bella! Upstairs now!" its been my experience that a forceful hand is required with people like Bella, and I don't mean PTSD sufferers.

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**So, new story up, I removed my others to work on them and because I'm really only inspired about Jalice right now and I don't wanna keep people waiting for updates, so yeah, now I'll explain a few things.**

**You'll learn more about their pasts later on, I covered basics in this to give you an idea but theres a lot more, believe me, at the beginning of each chapter I'm going to have a quote that pertains to the characters and the chapter itself, this chapters quote is for all of them in general, so read it if you didn't, for those that didn't you definitely should read this one because its from the amazing Johnny Depp.**

**Now for my last order of business in this incredibly long Authors Note, Jasper and Alice's relationship. Theirs, in this fic, is sorta a mystery to even me, they act like a couple, but their not, they don't know they act like a couple its just how they act to each other, so everyone else thinks their together, let it be noted that at this point the only couple among the Cullen kids is Rose and Em.**

**Next chapter is Jazzy's POV so look forward too it.**


	2. Chapter 2

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"

~ Sam Keen

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-o-o-o-  
JPOV  
-o-o-o-

Get ya lighters, roll that sticky, lets get higher (lets get higher)  
Got that Blueberry Yum Yum And its that fire  
Get ya lighters, roll that sticky, lets get higher (lets get higher)  
Got that Blueberry Yum Yum And its that fire

The music filled the small bathroom where Edward, Emmet, Laurent, and I all sat, Emmet and Edward on the floor and me sprawled out in the claw foot tub, we had a wet towel stuffed under the door to keep the smoke in and my laptop, ironically, sat in my lap blasting the tunes. Emmet passed me one of the two blunts we had circulating, with each breath taken in the smoke filled room you inhaled more of the mind altering THC. There was a slam downstairs followed by voices and foot steps, I scrambled upright, hitting pause on the music.

I glanced at the other three, Laurent and Emmet were giggling at each other for no reason and Edward was sitting, slumped against the counter with half lidded eyes starring at the smoking joint in his hand. I sighed in exasperation, honestly its like their all newbies, if they went down to see who was here we'd all be fucked, I climbed out of the tub and took the joint from Edward. I finished it with a final large hit and pried the bathroom room door open, smoke billowed out into my room like fog rolling over a lake in the morning, I chuckled to myself which turned into a fit of giggles at the sheer stupidness for my reason for laughing, _shit I am fucked up._

Nevertheless I made it down the stairs fine, the front door was open and there were a bunch of bags on the floor but no one was there, I crept forward more cautious now, frowning slightly. I swallowed only to realize that I had cotton mouth like a bitch and it didn't help at all. The closest bag to me stood open enough that I could see something in it, some sort of black material as I crept forward I heard something from the direction of the kitchen and something touched my arm.

"Shit!" I jumped about a foot into the air and whirled around, Alice stood there, totally undeterred by my reaction, holding out a glass of water. "Fuck" I muttered taking deep breaths, "don't do that to me I nearly had a heart attack." regardless I took the water and downed it in one gulp, it felt so good but as soon as it was gone my mouth felt drier than ever.

"Where are the others?" Alice asked me tilting her head to the side in the most adorable way … wait, what?

I shook it off in time to answer in a reasonable amount of time, "Edward, Emmet, and Laurent are up in my bathroom." Bella and Rosalie walked in just in time to catch the back end of that sentence.

"What about Emmet and your bathroom?" Rosalie asked, dropping yet more bags, I saw Bella walk through the door with even more.

"Jesus Alice who much did you buy?"

"We shopped for everyone," she answered in her high melodic voice, "if I left it up to you, you'd wear the same clothes over and over again."

"Thats what you're supposed to do darlin'" I said exasperatedly, she simply shrugged her tiny shoulders cutely.

"Agree to disagree." she grabbed about eight bags and hauled them toward the stairs, rolling my eyes I followed her, easily taking the bags, she led me to her room where I dropped the bags, "five of those are your's."

"Fucking hell," I muttered shifting the through the bags to find out which belonged to me. No, no, oh god no.

"Do you have any weed left?" she asked randomly as I looked through the things she'd bought me, as much as I hate to admit it she was a good shopper, reds, blacks, blues, whites, as well as button downs and jeans, she knew my style as well as her own.

"Yeah, a little, and no you can't smoke any."

"Jazzy!" she whined

"Don't Jazzy me, I told you, I'll never let you get involved in this world. It's cliche but you'll thank me one day."

"You're right, it is cliche."

There was silence, we'd had this conversation before, it was about as pointless as arguing what the life span of clothes should be. After about five minutes of us standing there facing off I heard a loud crash from my room and a burst of giggles, "fuck," I muttered looking toward the door then back at Alice. "Are you coming to my room tonight?" I asked she was pouting right now, and two nights in a row was uncommon not to mention noticeable and yet, I found myself hanging onto the silence waiting for an answer.

"... Probably," she finally muttered defeated, I fought off a smile and picked up my bags, I turned to the door looking over my shoulder, "lock the door on your way in tonight."

-o-o-o-

I lay awake long after Laurent had left, long after Carlisle and Esme had returned and Edward and Emmet had gone to there rooms to pass out, (as it turns out Emmet had tripped Laurent as a joke and he'd ended up flailing to grab anything and everything in order to regain his balance and cleared everything off my bathroom counter onto the floor). If I was honest with myself I was waiting for her to show up. But I wasn't being honest right now so instead I was drawing and using it as an excuse, I had a sketch pad full of Mary Jane induced doodles, most of it just fucked up shit I drew while listening to trippy music, right now I couldn't risk playing music and I was starting to come down so I had a page filled with marijuana leaves, wishful thinking maybe?

The door creaked open slowly and Alice slipped inside shutting and locking it behind her, strangely enough, after waiting so long I found her arrival anti-climactic. I kept my head down focusing on my art while in reality watching her out of my peripherals as she danced across the carpet to me and crawled to the center of my king sized bed, she wormed her way to my side under my arm to see what I was doing, I felt her eyes on my face but didn't return the look, instead opting to add a bud to one of the leaves until I had a full marijuana plant drawn.

Finally I had to look down at her, big mistake, her green eyes trapped and bound me, impossibly green and impossibly deep, they grew darker toward the center, the deep sea ocean crevices had nothing on her eyes, the outer rims were emerald and flecks of light ranging from gold to dark brown sat in the green like boats on the ocean, I couldn't look away. She grabbed my sketch book and flung it to the floor, if flew down with a flutter of paper like throwing a magazine, she pushed on my chest and I willingly fell back onto the bed, watching with sagging eyes as she crawled onto my chest, she was so small that when she curled up she could fit her entire body on it. This time however she just stretched out her legs so they lay between mine, she reached up and buried her fingers in my hair, I wrapped one arm around her and pulled the blanket over us.

"Night Darlin'," but she was already snoring softly into my chest.

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**chapter two out, yet more confused signals about Alice and Jasper I swear they are not a couple … yet. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! so I had fun writing this, Emmet high is a scary prospect, but in the whole very fun to see how jazzy can play it sober but still be totally fucked up.**

**RandomnessAndAlii: I answered your question in this chapter, he cares about her and doesnt want her getting sucked into the drug scene, poor naive Jazzy.**

**To my other two reviewers Stephycats7785 and Karkooka thank all three of you so much for your reviews they made me smile and believe me, if you knew me you'd know that i am not a smiley person. Im always waiting for the time when i get my first flame, I'm not sure how I'll respong ... i might cry ... anywayz ... **

**Reviews are love! And Jazzy here is begging for them.**

**Jasper: pretty please? **

**Lelouch: Jazzy show some respect! We talked about this!  
**

**Jasper: -sigh- do I have too?**

**Lelouch: YES!**

**Jasper: -bigger sigh- if you review I'll take off my shirt.**

**Lelouch: -nose bleed/perverted giggle-**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: I'd like to thank all my reviewers, you guys all rock, so all you guys turn away (unless you're into other guys) cuz here it is!**

**...**

**Lelouch: Dammit Jazzy get out there!**

**Jazzy: NO!**

**Lelouch: Do you want me to tie you up again?**

**Jazzy: OH GOD ANY THING BUT THAT!**

**Lelouch: Then you know what you have to do**

**Jazzy: -sigh, walks out to stage- Remember, reviews are love -strips off shirt-**

**OH! And one last little thing, I know that this story kinda puts a positive light on drug use, i'd like to say now that drugs are not a laughing matter, later in this story the self destructive pattern that drugs pull you into is a major part of the plot and im deciding whether or not this story is going to end with a character death because of drugs or not, so yeah, don't think that im saying drugs are no big deal. without further ado, here's the chapter.**

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"If you love someone, put their name in a circle; because hearts can be broken, but circles never end."

~ Author Unknown

-o-o-o-  
EPOV  
-o-o-o-

It's times like these that I wish I could sleep … or get stoned … maybe get stoned then fall asleep? Whatever. Saturday had been fun, but things like that were about to get pretty uncommon for us soon. Laurent had had to move his grow house to Forks because those idiot 'Protectors' on the Quileut res. were cracking down on drugs. Really not that big a deal, but half Laurent's plants died in the move and with the past two weekends adventures his stash was pretty much gone, so we had to wait until his clones were ready for harvest before we could do it again. Thats translates to about two fucking months … great.

Now, sitting in class on Monday, I'm really starting to hate Jasper, who had taken the last of Saturday's weed and done a wake and bake this morning, so he was probably ridding out the horrible snore fest that was school feeling happy hungry and sleepy.

"Mr. Cullen!" Mr. Roach was calling me, apparently he'd done it a few times, I panicked silently scanning the board for the answer he wanted.

"Uh, 1607." I said quickly, he pursed his lips as if trying to find a reason to say I was wrong, all the teachers had it out for us, even if we were their best students, they didn't care, we were freaks to them just as much as we were to the students. He moved on in his lecture and I fell back into contemplation.

The bell rang after what seemed hours, finally lunch, navigating the halls was easy, everyone gave us a wide birth. I met up with Alice as I entered the cafeteria and we went to the line. Man this place was like an assembly line, everyone moved together, shuffling through life on a schedule. Ugh we're all brainwashed.

-o-o-o-

One look at Jasper in the parking lot was enough to make me hold out my hand for his keys. He had clearly already come down off his high and he looked like he was about to pass out, Rosalie took her BMW home and Emmet, who usually rode with her, took my Volvo home with Jasper and Alice in the back. I took Jaspers bike back with Bella.

Life with Carlisle and Esme was all together enjoyable, at least it's all I'd ever known, I can't remember my parents at all or the life I lead before they died, the isolation from the rest of the students and population of Forks didn't really bother me that much, but I couldn't help but feel lonely sometimes. Right now for instance, we were all in the living room waiting for our 'parents' to get back. Esme had recently turned her hobby of interior design into a job, something new for her now that we were all growing up; anyway back to what I was saying. We were 'watching T.V.' which meant that Rose and Emmet were making out on the couch, gag, and Jasper and Alice were sitting on the love seat together, Alice practically in Jaspers lap, though they weren't making out though, thank god. I mean everyone knew about Emmet and Rosalie, and through their relationship may seem superficial on the surface we could all tell they loved each other. We all had our suspicions about Jasper and Alice, though Jasper denied it every time, it wasn't hard to tell they were madly in love with each other watching them now. But who did I have? I looked down at Bella sitting beside me, she was watching the T.V. She looked up at me and I met her beautiful brown eyes, everything about her was beautiful, from her long mahogany hair to her pale skin to the silvery scar on her hand, the only reminder of the accident that took her parents from her.

"You're leering Edward." Alice's voice cut through my perfect moment and trampled all over it, I looked over to her, she was smiling angelically from Jasper's side, he was smirking slightly.

"Was not." I muttered only to be cut off by Jasper.

"Yup, it was a stalker worthy leer." Emmet surfaced to roar with laughter and I reached across the couch to punch him, he responded to the punch with one of his own and soon we were rolling around on the floor, Jasper joined in and it escalated to a three way battle royal on the living room floor. Emmet had me pinned down when Esme walked in, he and Jasper were grinning like the idiots they were while Emmet trailed a glob of spit down toward my face then sucked it back up at the last minute.

"Emmet I swear to god if you let that touch me I'm going to castrate you!" I shouted.

"Careful Eddy you open that mouth to wide and something might fall in." Jasper warned sagely, Emmet chuckled; the wad of spit wobbling dangerously over my face, and that … that had my mouth slamming shut with a snap.

"Emmet, Jasper, get off your brother!" Esme shouted upon walking through the door to that sight. Emmet rolled off me with a chuckle and I jumped up, glaring at my two 'brothers'.

"Honestly, why do you two have to be so barbaric?" Bella asked rolling her eyes; I mentally reveled in the fact that she was tacking my side.

"Tis' our civic duty as older brothers to horrify and otherwise humiliate our dearest little brother." Emmet said showing an extremely high threshold of vocabulary.

Bella went to help Esme make dinner and I returned to the couch. Jasper returned to Alice and Emmet returned to Rosalie and once again I was overwhelmed with loneliness, Alice leaned her head against Jaspers shoulder and for a show of affection that may or may not be completely platonic I felt the unexplainable need to look away.

-o-o-o-

I never thought I would be in a situation like this, standing here before this door, Emmet maybe, Rosalie definitely, probably never Alice and almost certainly not Bella, but out of us all I never, never, never thought that I would be the one standing here. I dropped my eyes to my feet. The light shining through the crack under the door was shinning on the four scars on my wrists, relics of a darker time. A time when Emmet and Rosalie had just been adopted and Carlisle and Esme sat me down and told me I was adopted, Rosalie couldn't even look at a man without flinching, Jasper was just starting to open up, but to Alice and Alice alone. It was stupid what I did, I know that now, but as a great man once said, the scars remind us that the past is real.

I raised my hand and knocked twice on the door, this was hardly better than cutting, key word being hardly, anything was better than putting Carlisle and Esme through that again, at least this could be hidden. The door opened and there was Jasper, his long straight honey blond hair brushed out of his face, pushed back in disarray. He blinked at me then leaned against the door frame.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Eddy, what brings you to my doorstep at this hour?"

"Can we uh, talk about this inside please?" he raised an eyebrow and stepped aside, letting me in, he followed me in walking over and sitting on his bed, I closed the door behind me and locked it.

"So you gonna tell me what the hell you're doin' here." He said his southern twang, somehow still intact after nine years in Washington, was more pronounced in his sleepy state.

"I've been feeling a little down lately." I said evasively.

"Good Edward, good, now that you're opening up I think we can move up to the next step," he held up a sketch book with marijuana leaves all over it and a marijuana plant filling the center. "What is the first thing that comes to mind when you see this, don't think, just feel."

"Oh ha ha" I said glaring, "I mean I know you have something to help me." he smirked a knowing smirk.

"You got any money?" I pulled out a hundred bucks and held it up. He smiled, got up, and walked over to the nightstand. He pulled a baggy with about ten yellowish pills in it and opened it sorting out five of them. Putting them in a smaller bag, about the size of a dime bag, he walked back over and held up the five-pill baggy.

"For your body weight I'd say that a good four doses of Ecstasy one at a time and two for when you're feeling really down." I reached for it but he moved the bag out of my reach, "now tell me why you really want this."

"I need a little-"

"Don't give me that bullshit," he shut me down, "People who need a little pick me up either start drinking or smoke pot, you already smoke pot so you have no reason to be depressed, if you were forty I'd say buy a red corvette but it's too early for that so tell me what's up." It was times like these that I felt a lot less than a year younger than him. "Drugs are not the answer Edward."

"You're one to talk-"

"Do you want to base your morals on how my life turned out, if you're depressed you should face the problem, because X is a great way to forget your problems, until you come down and then you're royally fucked and thinkin about you're problems twice as much." There was a long silence.

"You should really go into psychology."

"And you should leave the drugs to me and continue your life as the prodigal son. In the mean time, man up to your problems. But I'll take that hundred dollars, I can get you some fucking great weed for that much, weed is okay in my books." I shoved his arm and stood up.

"Thanks … big bro."

"Yeah, now get outa my room you little brat." I smiled and walked out the door, sighing on the other side, face my problems eh? I'd heard that speech from a million different adults and teachers, but there's something about hearing it from someone worse off then you, someone your age, that makes it more impacting. I walked down the hall to the next door over and knocked twice. It took a lot longer for this one to open and rather than a disheveled big brother it was an extremely disheveled little sister who greeted me.

"Edward?" Bella asked squinting at the bright-ish hall light. "What are yo-" I cut her off mid sentence by cupping her cheeks in my hands and pressing my lips to hers.

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**HA! you thought there was gonna be JasperxEdward there didn't you! Well sorry if you were looking forward to it. And then so Bella and Edward, yeah, I don't know yet if I'll have them get together, or make it awkward and draw out their relationship some. So reviews are love, and I love reviews, shirtless Jasper plushies to reviewers, and if you're a dude in which case ROCK ON cuz I'm one of the few, the proud, the twiguys. So if you're a dude reviewer then I'll give you an item of your choosing upon you're review.**

**Now to answer review comments cuz i feel that if you took the time to review i should take the time to asnwer any questions.**

**Karkoolka: YOU REVIEWED AGAIN! love you lots, anwayz a few people asked me about why Jasper and Alice sleep together (not like that) i will tell you that they don't do it all the time, im actually intrested to see if anyone guesses the reason and occasion in which she sleeps in his room, if no one guesses i will eventually tell you all.**

**Stephycats7785:YOU REVIEWED AGAIN TOO! thats so cool, its like you were with me from the beggining, even though its only the third chapter but still, anywayz on to my reply, i will tell you that she does get high later in the story, its actually going to be coming around the fifth to seventh chappy not sure yet cuz im only workin on chapter five right at this moment, its actually going to be a huge plot point, it sets things in motion and is one of the climaxes of this story, but thats all im giving you right now xP**

**Sarah: glad you asked about Jasper and Alice, cuz it got me to thinking and i know how to best describe their relationship now, all the Cullen kids came in pairs basically, Edward was along, then Jasper and Alice came together, they were both seriously messed up by their past and they sorta latched onto each other for comfort, which is why they're so close and why he's so protective of her and why they dont realize they're in love. Emmet and Rose came at the same time and they did the same, and Bella came alone and she identified with the only other lonely person there, Edward which is why they're so close. so that's how the relationship dynamics work.**

**Annajasper: Im glad you like it, i used to like vamp stories more but with the whole vampire thing you lose alot of drama cuz things like injury and drugs use (though this story makes drugs a good thing later on drugs become a big issue because of the self destructive pattern they lead to) but with Vamps those things dont work, which is why all human has its advantages, im glad you're giving this a chance XD.**

**RandomnessAndAlii: you're the the last of my original three reviewers, im glad you like my story i hope you like whats to come in the future because you've been with me since the beginning, and my plan is to update every other day so thats pretty good.**


	4. Chapter 4

"I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone."

~ Javan

-o-o-o-  
EmPOV  
-o-o-o-

"UGH! I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" Rosalie screeched beside me "WE WON'T GET ANY POT FOR ANOTHER MONTH AND THREE WEEKS!!!" Oh dear god it's only been a week?! We were all sitting in the living room, on any other day, when both Carlisle and Esme were going to be gone all day, we'd be so fucking baked Rose and I couldn't concentrate long enough to make out, now we were too depressed. We all, with the exception of one Bella, turned to look at Jasper he looked up from starring at Alice. Ugh denial is a sad, sad thing.

"I know another dealer." he said simply

"DUDE WHAT THE FUCK MAN!" I was up in an instant. "YOU'VE BEEN HOLDIN' OUT ON US WE COULDA BEEN FUCKED UP ALREADY!"

"He won't sell to me."

"Why not?!"

"I have a dick."

Rose rolled her eyes, and stood up, flicking her hair over her shoulder she turned to Jasper, "Who is he and how do I find him?"

"Go to the Italian restaurant in Port Angeles, knock on the back door and ask for James."

"You mean-" Edward started.

"Yup, Bella Italia is a front; they use the garlic to cover the smell and hydroponics growth system in the cellars."

-o-o-o-

Rose came back on hour later with the only thing that could somehow possibly make her look even more beautiful, a hundred dollars worth weed.

"Alright. You, out." Jasper said standing up and looking at Alice.

"BUT!"

"Nope," he crossed his arms, we were all silent, you didn't get in the way of Jasper on the subject of Alice, Rosalie made that mistake once. Alice gave a small roar of frustration that sounded more cute than scary and stomped upstairs in front of Jasper. Bella followed her willingly, poor, poor naive girl, and Jasper came down stairs a few seconds later with a bong. He passed it to Edward with his zippo.

"You're weed, you get green hit."

Edward took it, then had to put it down to open the lighter, che, amateur.

"Ah, love that sound," Rose sighed as the bubbly sound unique to a bong filled the air; he cleared it and passed it to Jasper. Jasper took an expert hit and passed it to Rosalie. Pothead.

"So, Edward, whats goin' on with you and Bella?" He asked letting the smoke roll out of his mouth while he spoke. Pothead.

"What'd you mean?"

Rose rolled her eyes, "Honestly, every time she sees you she blushes twelve shades of red. Even Emmet's noticed something's up."

"Oh, don't get mad baby, here take a hit and it'll all get better."

I took that hit, and not because she was trying to placate me, I did it because I wanted too … "Seriously dude, what did you do to her?" I said passing it, "cashed by the way."

Edward reloaded it to stall, "After I went to your room that night," he said looking at Jasper.

"GAY! I KNEW IT!" I shouted triumphantly, "HOW ELSE CAN YOU EXPLAIN NOT GETTING ANY ACTION? I'LL TELL YOU, ITS 'CUZ YOU DON'T WANT IT! CUZ YOUR GAY!"

"Emmet WILL YOU SHUT UP I'M NOT GAY! And besides Jasper isn't getting any action either!"

"Everyone knows Jasper's bangin' Alice, even Carlisle and Esme suspect it!" Jasper started chocking on nothing, but I paid no mind.

"EMMET!" Jasper was glaring at me … uh oh what did I say?

"What?"

"I AM NOT 'bangin' Alice!"

"Oh god, don't tell me you did do something gay?" HA! Rose was on my side now.

"NO! He wanted to buy some X!" … wow, now I know what all those books mean about really loud silences.

"You Sold Him ECSTASY!" Rosalie screeched. "HE'S THE GOOD ONE! YOU DIDN'T EVEN GIVE ME ECSTASY!!!"

"HA! I knew i wasn't the first to ask you for other drugs!" Edward shouted.

"What happened BETWEEN YOU AND BELLA?" I roared over them sensing a full on shouting match coming.

We all turned to Edward as one, "I sorta kissed her."

Rose screeched again. And started firing off rapid questions, Jasper took the bong and we started passing it back and forth without them noticing. By the time the other two had calmed down Jasper and I were totally fucked up. Not long after Jasper disappeared up the stairs randomly, and Edward was too baked to notice that Rosalie had been passing her hits and shoved the remaining half ounce in the bag in her pocket before coming to straddle my lap and make out with me, of course I didn't realize it either.

-o-o-o-  
APOV  
-o-o-o-

"It's not fair!" I burst out in my room; I was pacing back and forth in front of the bed where Bella sat. "He ruins all the fun that I could have with his stupid little rules." Indistinct shouts downstairs seemed to echo my outburst.

"You ever think that he won't let you do something illegal because he cares?" Damn it Bella.

"Shut up Bella I wanna be mad at him, you're not helping."

"Fine, he's a horrible, horrible boring person that wants nothing more than to ruin your life." I sighed, damn it Bella.

"No he's not he's just over protective … Damn it Bella, you've gone and ruined my mood." I fell onto the other end of the bed across from her. "Whatever, let's talk about something else, let's talk about you and a certain brother of ours named, Edward, is it?" She blushed and looked down.

"I-I don't know what you mean."

"You two have been a little … weird, the past week." she blushed another ten shades, "Oh My GOD! WHAT HAPPENED!

"Nothing! Nothing happened, you know he just … showed up at my room at three in the morning and kissed me."

"OH MY GOD BELA THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT NOTHING!"

"Would you keep it down, what if Marijuana gives them super ears?"

"Really Bella? Super ears? That's beside the point, what happened!"

"Nothing, I just stood there and then he sorta just … went to bed … and then we didn't talk about it in the morning."

"BELLA! You have to address these things, you have to seize the moment, you have to draw him into your web and never let him go!"

"Alice … you're scaring me."

"You should be scared! The clocks ticking, he's gonna move on if you don't hurry."

"What about you and Jasper, huh?" I blinked, surprised.

"What about us?"

"You two are all over each other all the time, when are you getting together."

"I- We- It's not like that!"

The door slammed open then and there stood Jasper, leaning against the door frame with half lidded eyes, it reminded me of a scene from a movie where the busty woman seduces the hero. He swaggered into the room and dropped down next to me wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me into his side. He blinked at Bella as if he just realized she were there.

"Oh hey Bella, how's it goin'? Keeping it chill? Cool? Cucumber-ish?" He dropped his gaze to me without answer.

"You'rereallypretty" he slurred and crushed his lips to mine. As soon as it started it was over, I starred wide eyed at the open mouthed Bella across from me.

"Jazz ..." he was sitting there his face buried in my chest; it was very, very akward. Normally I'd rather like this set up, though in my mind we usually had less clothes on … "Uh, Jasper ..." he snored softly.

"Not like that my ass."

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**Well there we go! Chapter four, and first things first -hands out shirtless Jasper plushies to everyone,- They have removable plastic fangs that look adorable when you put them in, now then, you guys all rock! twenty reviews!!!! i know its nearly nothing compared to those stories with thousands and thousands but still, i feel loved, now that the bases have been set, (for all those out there who don't really like the drugs) their drug use will slow down now, but there will still be some, the reason for the excessive being use that school had just started. Believe me, after a long summer, any smoker is dieing to be flyin high for the first few weeks of school but now things are settling down and the plot will start to fall into motion. Thats all for now, and i would like to thank my fabulous Beta _Gaara and Sasori's Neko lover_, if you're into Naruto (like me cuz im a major anime nerd) check out her fics, shes got a few song fics up as well as an on-going multi chapter story. Now for review replies.**

**Sarah: Alot of people didnt like the idea of a character death, i promise you if i do do that than it will still be a happy ending, just sad, ya know? like it'll be sad of course but not totally depressing, and also, if i do go with the character death i'll upload versions with and with out it, so everyone can read the happy or sad ending or both. And as for your previous question (sorry for not answering it last chapter). I have considered introducing a boyfriend/girlfriend for Jasper/Alice, i dont know if i will or not, so its still unknown.**

**Stephycats7785: One of your two guesses is right! so congrats you get an extra plushy of your choice as well as your Jazzy plushy for reviewing. Thank you, it's always nice to hear my work is liked and im sorry about your friend i hope she is okay. ^^**

**Karkoolka: Lol, i love long reviews! anyway some of your questions were answered in other review replies but basically im prolly gonna do it so that you can read either the happy or sad ending, or both if you want because i cant decide which ending i wanna use, Jasper does do too much drugs yes, thats a major plot, and no he isnt a dealer, hes kind of like a middle man, he has the dealers so that he can get weed for the others. As for your question about Alice, i guess you'll have to read and find out, No Carlisle and Esme dont know about them smoking weed because drug users, especially teenagers, are really very good at hiding their habit, they clean it all up, spray things to get rid of the smell, and only do it when they know they have time to ride out their high before the parents get home, they've also been smoking for a while so they can hide it easier, and finally. You would be surprised how often i get people suprised that im a guy, even my friends say that im a girl, even though im clearly a guy, maybe because im bi, it makes me less guy like?**

**Jalicelove: heres an update! now that i've get everything established and a beta goin, im prolly gonna update once a week, that gives me time to write and fine tune the chapters and then send them to my beta for review.  
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	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: OMG I OWN TWILIGHT!!! -waves around book- man on these other fanfiction authors don't even own a copy of what they're writing about i- .... what do you mean i don't own it it's right her- ........ Stephenie Meyer owns all rights to Twilight and all related matters in the franchise, i just own a book ... -cries-. **

**Lol but anyway, hope you enjoy this chappy, its super mega suspenseful as a 'I'm-sorry-for-making-you-wait-so-long-' gift, please enjoy, thanks as always to all my readers, my awesome beta Garra and Sasori's Neko Lover, and reviews=love!**

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"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."

~Mother Teresa

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-o-o-o-  
BPOV  
-o-o-o-

I starred at Alice open mouthed, she looked like she was floundering for something to say, or do for that matter; Jasper was slumped against her snoring softly. It made the atmosphere almost comical. Finally my brain started back up and a million questions entered my head.

"What just happened?!" I blurted starring at Alice she sort of shrugged/slithered out from under him and stood up, on the verge of hyperventilation. I was getting ready to start more questions, and maybe she saw this on my face, because she had my wrist in a death grip in seconds and was dragging my out onto the balcony. The air was cool on my skin; I didn't realize how hot it felt inside until we were in the overcast Washington outdoors, the end of August brought with it the end of the dry season and it was starting to get colder and rainier.

Alice was pulling out a cigarette and I automatically wrinkled my nose, and then remember the situation at hand. "Alice what just happened?" I asked again sounding a lot calmer. She looked at me and sighed out the disgusting cigarette smoke, it was habit she'd picked up from Jasper and Emmet, and with the help of Rosalie they'd agreed that it was better than other, less legal things to be smoking.

"Happened? What do you mean 'happened'? Oh that! That was noting. _Nothing_!" it seemed my hysteria had transferred to her, she was talking a mile a minute and gesturing with wild hand motion at random moments.

"Uhm, Alice, that was most definitely something! He kissed you!"

"No Bella, No. He was high, they have a name for that, it's called diminished capacity, it means that he's not legally accountable for his actions, with any luck he'll wake up and not remember it and we'll never breath a word, _will we_?" She brandished the now extinguished cigarette at me, put out most likely from all the swinging around, and with the threat of being skewered with a cigarette hanging over my head I nodded quickly in agreement. We stood in silence for a few minutes while she fished out her lighter and relit the accursed thing.

"Alice?" She looked away from Washington rain forest to meet my eyes, and with the possibility of being run through with a now lit cigarette I hesitated, but forged on. "This could be your chance."

"Huh," for someone so smart she could be pretty thick.

"He said you were pretty, the weed may have prompted him to admit it, but he was probably thinking it all along, and he did kiss you, this could be your chance with him." She sighed and took another drag, starring back into the forest.

"He's all I have," she said so long after I'd posed the thought that I'd long since decided she wasn't going to respond, "All I know started the day I woke up in the hospital when I was eight, sure technically the first thing I saw was the roof, and the doctors, and nurses, and Charlie, and Carlisle and Esme, but that was all pointless. I didn't know who I was or what was going on, I had no say in what happened to me, it wasn't until I met Jasper that I had a purpose, and I'm not saying that I saw him and my entire world just clicked into place, that doesn't happen in real life.

"I just mean I had no reason to live because no one knew me, and I knew no one, I didn't even know myself, but when I met Jasper I had a friend, someone that would miss me if I was gone, and I don't claim to know how he felt, but I like to think that it was the same for him too. You didn't meet him until two years after we came to the Cullen's but he was bad. He was comatose, I believe the term would be, he didn't talk and had no reason to exist, like me, only he was like that because of his memories, whereas I was because I had none; and his eyes." She paused to shudder, "they were terrifying, just looking into them would give me nightmares"

I was so sucked into her story I forgot about what started us on this topic, she raised the cigarette, took a hit, and pressed the rest of it to the railing of the balcony then put the butt in her pocket (so as not to litter). She seemed to pull herself out of memories, her eyes refocusing. "If it weren't for him, I'd still be lost, and if it weren't for me, I think he would still be the cold, hate filled nine year old I met when the Cullens took me in. So even if I do love him," the look on her face stopped me from triumphing over making her admit she loved him. "I can't risk losing him, and if we did get together there's the possibility that could happen, and I'd rather see him marry Lauren Mallory a million times over, then what we have be ruined by a break up, because I wouldn't be able to live without him."

Another long silence followed her words, she was starring into the forest a slow trail of tears falling from her eyes, and I found myself needing to look away. I couldn't think of anything to say, I could sympathize and empathize, but at the same time couldn't, Edward had pulled me out of the stupor I fell into after my parents death and I helped him through his suicidal depression, and though the situations were similar, they were so, so different. Alice and Jasper were the kind of people to bottle up their emotions and put up a front, the fact that they alone were the only ones that could tell what each other was truly feeling said everything about their relationship. They were madly and deeply and truly in love, and Alice felt they couldn't be together because of it; it made me want to cry as well.

It was sundown by the time I found anything to say, we'd easily been in silence for half an hour, and outside for two. "I understand where you are coming from; you think that in order to protect your relationship with him you have to protect yourself from your relationship, but think of it like this. Jasper means everything in the world to you because of what you went through together, so I'd imagine that you mean absolutely everything to Jasper too, you're already in love with him, and he with you, if you ever did get together, nothing would tear you apart."

She sniffed, Alice was my best friend, and my sister, but this was the closest I'd ever felt to her, eternally I knew it was because this was the first time we'd really truly discussed the most important matter of her life. I hugged her while she cried and rubbed her back, whispering reassurances, when the tears finally stopped she pulled back and gave me a watery smile through puffy eyes.

"You're a good sister Bella, and of course if any of this conversation leaves the two of us I'll be playing Bella Barbie for the next twenty years.

I smiled back, "Deal, now let's go take care of our dear siblings." Sometimes being the responsible one sucked, Jasper was still passed out on Alice's bed spread-eagle in the middle of it; I tried, as we passed through the room, to picture what she'd said about him when he was younger. My mind's eye pictured a scrawny little kid, to skinny for his height, glaring at me through his hair with icy, hate filled eyes.

The image made me shudder, I'd only seen jasper really truly mad twice, first right after I'd joined the Cullen family, Jasper was eleven and Alice and I ten, Mike Newton had pushed Alice off the slide at recess and broken her leg. It took two teachers to get him off Mike, and again when we were thirteen and he fourteen and he and Rosalie had gotten in a huge fight over whether Alice could smoke with them, he never laid a hand on Rose but somehow it was scarier than the Mike incident, the look in his eyes …

On a related note, Rosalie, and Emmet and Edward, for that matter, were all downstairs, passed out in the living room, this is why being the responsible one sucked, if it weren't for Alice and me. When Esme got home in about half an hour she would have walked in to Edward sprawled out in the armchair, Emmet on the couch, and Rosalie half in Emmet's lap half slumped onto the floor with the bong sitting out on the coffee table. We both worked to get Rose up into a more natural position and Alice took the bong upstairs claiming she knew where Jasper hid it, if it were up to me we'd smash it but, hey, it was their choice I guess.

-o-o-o-

Esme got home later than usual, something about a project she was really enthusiastic about, I think. Edward, Emmet, Rosalie, and Jasper were already awake by the time she got back, all in the living room with Alice while Edward played on his piano. I was already busy with dinner, cutting the chicken for Alfredo chicken when the music changed from a lullaby he'd written that was my favorite to Esme's favorite and her melodic voice chimed. She came into the kitchen still in her work clothes, she didn't have to dress professionally but her outfit wasn't exactly casual. "Thanks for starting dinner dear," she said to me placing her bag on the island, "I can help-".

"No, go change, I'm almost done it'll be ready before you get back." I looked up to talk to her and the knife slipped, running along my finger rather than the chicken.

"AH!" I hissed in pain and held up my index finger to assess the damage, the cut was shallow but long, running from the second knuckle up to the tip, and it was practically pouring blood. I hurried over to the sink to avoid bleeding on anything when the smell hit me. Images flickered behind my eyes like a small movie projector was shinning them there, the dark road with periodic yellow stripes. The Images were getting bigger, taking up my vision and I was started to lose focus on where I was and it felt like the sight of Edward and Jasper rushing toward me were the movie, not the sight of sudden headlights coming at me as a truck driver that fell asleep behind the wheel drifted lanes.

_Everything was quiet, there was a ringing I couldn't understand and there was no light. I coughed and something sticky and warm entered my mouth that I vaguely realized to be blood, my vision returned slowly and I could see people. Lots of people, and flashing lights, they were trying to pull the car door to my left open but couldn't for some reason, I deftly slid across the seat and pushed on it, it wrenched open with the sound of grating metal. There were a lot of hands on me, feeling for anything wrong, I came to realize that it was quite because everything seemed muffled, I could hear the people talking but it was as if I had several thick pillows pressed to my ears, all except for the ringing, the ringing was clear and loud._

_There were police, the red and blue flashing lights cast a bloody light over everything that shifted to blue as if we were in the ocean, the bloody again, it made a pattern, bloody, ocean, bloody, ocean, bloody ocean, ocean of blood. I looked around for mommy and daddy, the people around me were all asking me questions, people in blue uniforms were lifting me onto a bed with wheels and pushing me toward the ambulance._

"_Where's mommy? Where's daddy?" I tried, and may have asked, but I couldn't hear myself saying the words, it panicked me slightly, everything was still blanketed. As they pushed the bed into the ambulance I saw our car, it was crumpled in the front, like a can of coke when you step on it, and the back end was raised off the ground slightly, the semi truck wasn't as crumpled but it had flipped onto its side and fell off the road into the ditch. The firemen were still trying to get the man out but I could see him slumped against the window and somehow knew he was dead. I looked back at my car, more firemen were trying to open the front but it looked nearly impossible, I couldn't see anything inside, the metal was folded around the driver and passenger seat too thoroughly, but a slow steady drip of thick liquid fell to the concrete that shown red in the flashing lights._

My vision returned to me with a staggering suddenness, like when you quickly un-cross your eyes and the two worlds in front of you merge into one image again. I was I the living room now with Jasper gripping my shoulders in front of me, Edward was shaking me slightly trying to get me to respond …

"… oww-" I said slowly as Jasper's grip on my shoulder tightened and tightened till it was painful, why was he gripping so hard. Edward frowned slightly and knocked one of his arms away from me he staggered back and Edward took his place in front of me looking concerned.

"Bella? Bella?" it was hard to keep my eyes focused on one thing too long but of all the things to look at, Edward would have to be the easiest. My hands felt warm, I looked down, they were completely drenched in blood, _that couldn't be my blood could it? My cut wasn't that bad._

"Where … where did the knife go?"

"What?" Edward asked confused as his eyes slowly traveled down to where mine had been, on my hands.

"I had a knife in my hands, where-" but my musings were interrupted by a shout.

"JASPER!" We both looked first at Alice who'd shouted, then to Jasper, he was still teetering where Edward had half shoved him out of the way, then he fell back into the armchair clutching at something protruding from his abdomen. And it all clicked, the blood wasn't mine, it was Jaspers, and the knife wasn't in my hand, because it was in Jasper.

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**OOOOHHHHHH CLIFFIE!!!! I'm evil, don't'cha just love it?**

**Okay, first and foremost I want to apologize for the long wait on this chapter, I don't know how you'll feel about it but I hope you like it and it was worth the wait. I have to warn you, for a little while updates might be a little sparse (not as long as it took for this chapter) because my laptop broke, I'm not sure what's wrong with it but I think it's the battery, a little black piece of plastic broke off the battery and now it won't turn on, so yeah, I'm going to start writing in a spiral and then typing it instead of sitting down at four in the morning with my laptop and writing which I usually do. The reason this chapter took so long is school, with AP World History I'm just now starting to tread water rather that flounder to keep my head above the surface, also I caught the dreaded writers block. Now for review replies OH! And 31 reviews!!!!!!!!!!! –fangirl squeal even though I'm a dude-**

**Stephycats7785: -give Edward plushy- yup you were right! Or were you … MWAHAHAH no but seriously you were right about one of your two theories, now just figure out which, lol.**

**RandomnessAndAlii: Sorry this update took so long, now that I've got a grip on my tidal waves of work I can try to regulate my updates to once a week, that's the plan anyway.**

**VoldieBeth: MWAHAHAHAHAHA you have no idea the extent to which some of these guys are messed up, that will come with time, I'll just say that what you've seen so far doesn't even count as the tip of the iceberg.**


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